She’ll Never know.

Fireworks, breakdowns, memories. A harmonic symphony filled with beautiful fantasies & agony. Colors coming in waves, flying, shooting, popping, drifting into day dreaming. Slowly fading into nightmares & fall. Fall with the ashes. Embrace the cold stillness. It’s hard to accept defeat, not gonna lie. When feeling come rushing in & you hold your breath. Holding the air to live, the oxygen within your lungs. Lungs ready to burst with the cavity of your chest. Contemplating is love worth death, and death because of love. Holding your tongue so you don’t speak love. When you tighten your stomach, so hard just to make sure it doesn’t drop. Because seeing them would be like another rollercoaster, another ride that you’re down for. But you know better. At least at this very moment. Only time can tell.

When you have to clench your jaws so hard, you can feel your justice being compressed. compacted into nothing, steam rolled and paved. Tightening your lips, just to not to smile. Even through the shit, you still wanna smile. Shattered on the floor but every reflection is a smile.

I wore tank tops because I was tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve. It’s hard to cover up all the scars. Its hard to accept that even the brightest of stars, eventually die down. Exploding. Super Nova. I dotted my I’s, crossed my T’s and tried my best, but it just didn’t show & she’ll never know. That I count the days she’s gone, to tell her I missed her, As if she was ever coming back. That I count my heart beats that knock on the door she closed. She’ll never know. That I’ve never had enough space in my lungs, the bit I had I saved for her. Gasping only to whisper out her name. I can breathe, but it reminds me that she always took my breath away.

I lay awake at night, preparing myself for a beautiful nightmare. That when I dream of her, it’s just a dream. I hate waking up. It’s hard to move on. When I can feel her kisses, I can remember how she tastes. I know every birthmark born onto her body. How soft her skin is. She made me immortal. I guess our loved sparked and caught on to the endless love poems inside of me. Out love singing, burning our memories out of existence but scarring them into my heart. Thin flames crescendo  upon my heart.

I didn’t love you just for your passion & love. Or your passionate love, or our loves passion. I loved you for your hopes & ambitions. Thank you for peeling the scales off my eyes, showing me reality and giving me the truth. That you’re the girl I dreamt of that took advantage of my love. That I needed this unwelcome conquest. echoing teary heart, bloody raindrop tears. You’re the half burned incense that gave me peace.


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